A friend recently sent me another set of rules that he sometimes calls Unconditional Truths. These will make you smile but they won't get you through college (or life) as well as the Nine Rules.
10. Life is sexually transmitted.
9. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
8. Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
7. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
6. Some people are like a Slinky. They are not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
5. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
4. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
3. A slight tax increase will cost you $200.00 yet a substantial tax cut only saves you 30¢.
2. In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
1. We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where hundreds of thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of
Agriculture in charge of immigration. Or better yet, let AARP know that Osama is 50 and they will find him wherever he is.
